A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the
midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks, and
somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin
to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and
through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through
new eyes. This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting
for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come
galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he
is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real
world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that
matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must
begin with you; and in the process a
sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and
that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what
you are ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and
opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing
yourself; and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of
self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the
things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the
only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that
people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that
not everyone will always be there for you; and that it's not always
about you. So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of
yourself; and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of
self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers ... and you
begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings
and human frailties; and in the process a sense of peace and contentment
is born of forgiveness.
You realize that much of the way you view yourself and
the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions
that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through
all that you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should
look, and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you
should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live,
and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you
should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance
of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different
points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and
what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and
needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've
outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with; and in the
process you learn to go with your instincts.
You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.
And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and you
stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking
for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and
integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar
that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not
your job to save the world ... and that you can't teach a pig to sing.
You learn to distinguish between guilt and
responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries, and learning
to say NO.
You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you
choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial
love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and
when to walk away.
You learn not to project your needs or your feelings
onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more
intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or
the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as
they really are and not as you would have them be.
You stop trying to control people, situations and
outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with
love...and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on
your terms ... just to make you happy.
And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And
you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will
never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, and you stop trying to compete with
the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack
up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings
aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that
feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK.... And that it is your right
to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that
sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be
treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect; and you won't
settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes
you to glorify you with his/her touch ... and in the process you
internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple,
and you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating
a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.
You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can
create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest.
And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our
soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn, that for the most part, in life you get
what you believe you deserve ... and that much of life truly is a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth
working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from
working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve
success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn
that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for
help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is
the great robber baron of all time. FEAR itself.
You learn to step right into and through your fears
because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in
to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
And you learn to fight for your life and not to
squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't
always get what you think you deserve; and that sometimes bad things
happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to
personalize things.
You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to
answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal
with evil in its most primal state -- the ego. You learn that negative
feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and
redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you, and poison the
universe that surrounds you.
You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building
bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort
in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions
of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator,
clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself
by yourself; and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself
and to never, ever, settle for less than your heart's desire.
And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you
can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep
trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by
your side you take a stand; you take a deep breath, and you begin to
design the life you want to live as best as you can.